“The more cluttered the closet, the emptier the life”
Old Money, New Woman : How to Manage Your Money and Your Life ~ Byron Tully
Do you remember what gifts you got for your birthday two years ago?
Do you remember what you did and who you spent your birthday with two years ago?
Personally, I rarely remember the things I get. But I almost always remember the experiences I had, the friends and family I spent special days with. Shiny new things have a way of making you happy in the moment, and getting stuffed into the back of a closet a few months later.
Choosing to abandon consumerism is hard.
But consuming is simple. Consumerism encourages spending money and consuming goods, as this behavior is good for the economy. Said another way, every time you spend your money on something, you are making money for someone else. You are sacrificing time you’ve worked on a shiny object that makes a company money.
Now, not all consumption is bad. We need to eat. Everyone has hobbies that require a few items. Travel and exploration broaden your mind and world view, and require some consumption.
But if you find yourself spending more money than you make, or stuffed into a home that feels too small and cluttered, or bored and unhappy unless you’re spending money… you’re stuck in consumerism.
And to be honest, it’s understandable. Businesses pay top dollar for well-educated marketing departments. Their mission in life is to get you to spend money on their product. Commercials, social media, even innocent-looking shows are geared towards getting you to want more. A better wardrobe, a nicer car, a bigger house. But the choice to abandon consumerism can set you free from the illness of “more.”
“More” has an insatiable appetite. While it quiets during every purchase and acquisition, it awakens quickly at the sight of each new, bigger thing.
“More” is the enemy of happiness.
The reason is simple. True happiness does not come from things. Aside from basic needs that are necessary for security and life (basic food, clothes, shelter), most things simply fill a greater void. And compulsive purchasing prevents us from getting to the root of our spending habit.
And I get it. I used to do it. Retail therapy used to be my hobby. A sedative for the pieces of my life that I was not happy with. If I had a tough day at work, booking an evening spa visit followed by drinks out was my sedative. Feeling fat and unattractive? A shopping trip to get some new clothes and makeup would make me feel like a million bucks. Feeling lonely and an absence of meaningful relationships in your life? Then go book a winery bus tour and spend hours with strangers buying and drinking wine to get that social fix.
It’s not that these reactions are all bad. They’re just not addressing the root of the problem. What’s worse – they’re robbing you of your hard-earned money. Robbing you of your time. And opportunity tied to that money and time.
There is a better way.
But it can be painful.
In my journey to a life that’s just one percent better than it was the day before, I had to address consumerism head-on. These realities hit me when I got serious about my spending and about my budget.
That’s not entirely true. I got serious when I accepted the fact that I wasn’t really happy.
And when I got honest with myself, I realized there were a number of things that led to unhappiness. I spent most of my waking hours working a high stress job so I could make good money. And most of my non-job hours were spent sedating myself with drinking, eating heavy food, retail therapy in many forms, and watching TV. I was in a vicious earn-spend cycle. I felt trapped. And when I got serious about spending and gave myself a budget, my addiction to consumerism reared its ugly head.
In order to get control of my time, money, and finances, I cut out extraneous spending. No more restaurant meals. Drinks with friends and bar hopping ceased. Mindless internet shopping slashed. I had to abandon consumerism and embrace what was left.
All that was left was me.
I no longer had the distractions, the sedatives, that shielded me from the stressors in life. I had to deal with some things head-on. Accepting that my job at the time was too stressful and taking away valuable happiness was critical. My body was not in good physical shape, and if I didn’t take better care of myself, I would continue to have no energy, at best. At worst, I would start developing chronic diseases and drastically reduce my quality of life… especially in those retirement years everyone’s supposed to look forward to. And my social circle was weak at best. Most of my social life revolved around work – lunch and happy hour with co-workers, talking about work even when we weren’t there. I had few other friends. No other hobbies to speak of.
Honestly, I didn’t have a life.
That’s what consumerism subtly took away from me. It took away my life.
Choosing to abandon consumerism gave me a life again.
Consumerism filled voids that could have been better filled with healthier, more meaningful pursuits. While initially painful, breaking away from the consumer cycle gave me perspective, money, and time.
Since I had all of this spare time, and my shortcomings staring me in the face, I eventually made some changes. Not right away. The first month on a budget, I spent a lot of time alone. Cooking mediocre food, drinking at home alone and watching TV for hours straight after work… sometimes falling asleep on the couch.
Then I made one small change. Instead of going straight to the couch when I got home from work, I changed into gym clothes and spent 30 minutes at my apartment’s gym. Sure, I had no idea what I was doing. At first. Eventually I researched workout routines and tried them out. And sure, I was ridiculously out of shape. But after a couple of weeks, I enjoyed the feeling of accomplishment. I never wanted to work out after work, but I was always happy I did it. And I started feeling better about myself.
Eventually, I tackled my cooking skills. I’ve known how to cook since I was young, but my culinary skills were no match for the fancy restaurants I used to frequent. So I started researching new meals online. I tried to make them healthy, but loved the occasional splurge. Delving into different cuisines took me down different aisles at the grocery store. I discovered a love for Thai food. Mexican cuisine was another favorite. I tried to recreate some English dishes from my time abroad – specifically the legendary Sunday Roast.
When my culinary confidence was built up, I started inviting a few friends over to enjoy a dinner party. I would provide the food, someone would bring a board game, and someone else would bring libations.
Since my entertainment budget was throttling back, these occasional dinner parties were a real treat. Eventually I researched free things to do in my city. Did you know many museums have free nights? I didn’t! My apartment was near a few museums that I had never frequented. I started visiting during their free evenings, usually on a weekday. I’d bring an evening snack to work with me and go to the museum before going home. Wandering the art-filled rooms was inspirational. A couple of museums backed into gorgeous gardens and parks, so I could enjoy an evening stroll surrounded by beauty I never knew was right at my doorstep.
All because I needed to save a buck. All because I chose to abandon consumerism.
Additional research into free activities in my area uncovered free outdoor movie nights in the park during the summer months. Free festivals during the weekends. And when there wasn’t a free event going on, there were a number of lovely city parks that were 100% free and ready for me to explore. The entertainment options were endless.
Everyone has some spending weakness. Something they splurge on. For some, it’s shoes. Others love tech gadgets. Mine were: food, wine, and books.
Improving my culinary skills helped fill that food void. Wine was a tough one… at first. With more physical activity and, frankly, more things to do with my spare time, the need for wine decreased. But I still enjoyed lovely libations! Wine is pretty expensive, so I got into the art of tincturing. This is a fancy term for infusing alcohols. I would buy really cheap alcohol, like vodka, and infuse it with lemon peels. Some of that infused vodka with some tonic, and you’ve got yourself a fancy, delicious, and relatively cheap cocktail.
Then there were books. Reading and watching TV were my two main forms of entertainment. And while reading is arguably a much better hobby than mindless TV viewing, it can get expensive.
Unless you rediscover your local library. Which I did. And was amazed and a little embarrassed that I’d been buying books only to read them once, when there was this never-ending resource of reading materials at my disposal.
This became a great resource for fiction and entertainment, but also for my quest to be a more fiscally responsible adult. As I flirted with the idea of investment, it was my local library that provided me with more in-depth information about stock and real estate investment than I could find online. Don’t get me wrong, I love the internet. But some things require a more comprehensive deep-dive, and my local library gave me that.
Several months into my consumerism-slashing experiment, I had stumbled onto something unexpected.
I stumbled onto a life.
A life that was more exciting, and fulfilling than my consumer-driven life ever was. My body was getting healthier. This gave me more energy to invest in my relationships. And these relationships grew as I invested time and energy into them. I had more meaningful experiences, visiting museums and events in my city. Discovered beauty in local parks. Started reading more and expanding my mind.
All because I decided to abandon consumerism.
So, dear friend and reader, I encourage you to shake off the shackles of consumerism. At face value, this will give you back some of your hard-earned money. And that money can be spent on much better things, like investments that will fund your future.
But on a much deeper level, shunning a consumer-driven lifestyle will encourage you to reevaluate your life. How you spend your time. What kind of life you’ve built for yourself. And the opportunity to restructure that life in a more meaningful way.
Without the distraction of being a good consumer, you can focus on your health, wealth, relationships and experiences.
Let’s face it, experiences are greater than things.
When you look back at your birthday two years ago, do you really care about that new watch? Or the tasty chocolates? Do you even remember what you had to eat that day? Or what you wore?
Probably not. That’s okay. Because I want you to remember the friends and family you spent your special day with. The memories you made. The laughter you shared.
From here on out, give the best gift you can possibly give to your loved ones.
Give the gift of experiences, not things.
Because presence is the best present you can give.