“I wouldn’t know what to do with myself on a sabbatical”
I was speechless when these words came out of my co-worker’s mouth. We were discussing our company’s sabbatical benefit, offered after seven years of employment, and I was still reeling from their recent decision to cut it. At the time, I had two options in mind for my “now-never-to-be” sabbatical. He, apparently, had none.
1) I’d get a preview of a financially independent life by slowly travelling through Asia, beginning in Southeast Asia, working my way north, and ending up in Japan before heading back to the corporate grind.
2) I’d buy an old Airstream travel trailer and spend the next few months renovating it, resulting in my own tiny home on wheels, ready for slow travel freedom on the open road across the great USA, with visits to state and national parks along the way.
At least, those were my top two choices. I had tons of backup plans. Backpacking across Europe was a high contender. Meeting up with old friends, making new friends. Hiking the Appalachian Trail was another option. Credit goes to Bill Bryson’s book A Walk in the Woods for this idea. Travelling to Peru and staying for a few months to visit Machu Picchu, hike the Mayan trail and immerse myself in the local culture. And, of course, a cross country road trip across America was another contender. Staying with friends and family when I could, camping at state and national parks when I couldn’t, and splurging for a nice hotel when needed.
So when my co-worker expressed no interest in a paid sabbatical, I pressed him for the reason.
He told me about a friend of his who had planned to take a year off when he was laid off from his job. Since his company had given him a generous severance package, he wanted to take the opportunity of a lifetime to enjoy some time fixing up his home, then do some travelling.
It didn’t go as planned.
He led with the travel. Had a trip across Europe all planned out with stays at several cities over the course of three months. He’d enjoy a week or two in each city so he didn’t feel rushed. He didn’t book any tourist activities. Instead, he wanted to play it by ear and see where life took him during his journey across Europe. But six weeks later, he cut his trip short and came back home.
Apparently, the allure of travelling faded after the first two weeks, and packing up every week or so became a chore. He felt bored in every city, not appreciating the local attractions. At first he thought it was just that city, but by the fourth city, he was planning his exit strategy.
Okay, I thought, maybe he’s just not a fan of travelling. Not everyone is.
But two weeks after being home unemployed, he was calling recruiters, practically begging for a job.
It wasn’t because he ran out of money. Far from it. He was just bored.
Those home projects didn’t hold his interest. Hobbies he thought he’d enjoy either didn’t take, or only entertained him for a couple of hours, leaving him feeling lost for the rest of the day. Without a job, he was bored and restless with his empty days.
I was floored. Shocked. And amazed.
Here was a guy who had given himself permission to enjoy a year of following his own passions, whatever those may be. But before he was just a few months in, he got bored and came crawling back to the corporate life.
Even more surprising to me, my co-worker could absolutely relate to his story. Most of my co-workers related.
It’s as if these grown adults needed “someone in charge” (their employer) to tell them what to do with their time. Years of the corporate grind had crushed their creative souls to the point of helplessness when given the freedom of an open schedule. It was almost a learned helplessness.
I may have been more understanding if these people were passionate about their jobs. But they were not. If you asked them, they would tell you they enjoy their job. They find it rewarding. They’d describe the latest project as “exciting.” Because that’s what you do when you’re a corporate drone. Someone else’s corporate project becomes exciting, while your personal projects become low priority or non-existent.
But get them out of the office at a private lunch, around friends, or out for a couple of drinks, and the truth comes out. The meetings were grueling and usually unnecessary. Timelines were crunched. Deadlines were unreasonable. Co-workers did not carry their weight. Bosses didn’t provide needed support. Hell, many were certain their bosses didn’t really know what they did. Most of their days were spent writing emails and attending meetings, not producing. And, most importantly, most didn’t feel appreciated or valued at work.
But without work, they lose a feeling of security. Lose a feeling of purpose.
And I get it. I used to feel the same way. When I first prioritized financial independence, abandoned consumerism and deprioritized my day job, I felt lost and bored. At first.
After a month or so of shifting my focus from the vicious earn money/spend money cycle, I began to slow down and try new things. No more television meant more time to read. More time to read meant expanding my reading list and exploring random topics and enjoying my public library. Curiosity led me to search for free activities in my city, which led me to try new things. I watched movies in the park, checked out local festivals, free art shows and viewings, and even enjoyed some cheap local theater. Discovered local and state parks with walking trails. Picked up paint brushes and got back into painting canvases – something I hadn’t done since I was in school. If I hadn’t embraced boredom and let my mind wander, I would never have discovered all of those new hobbies and things to do.
The more I relaxed and leaned into this freedom, the more I allowed creativity and curiosity to guide how I used my time. This has led to a more rounded life. And a life that gets just one percent better everyday.
I often wonder what would have happened if my co-worker’s friend hadn’t been able to fly back after his sixth week in Europe. If he had to embrace boredom head-on. Find comfort in it. And find a way to entertain himself.
I imagine my coworker’s friend getting stuck in, perhaps, London and having to deal with it. Maybe he stumbles into a grocery store and has to get used to new name brands and ingredients.
My first trip through a market in England was an experience. I didn’t recognize any brand names, so when I needed allergy medicine, I had to pay close attention…learned that hay fever is synonymous with allergies. I shied away from that mysterious “coriander” and wondered why I could not find cilantro. Spoiler alert: they’re the same thing! It took me a couple of months to figure it out. And I’m not proud of that.
My co-worker’s friend would probably find that popular cuts of meat, produce, and spices are much different in London than in his hometown. But he could strike up a conversation with one of the grocers to learn about those and find out about favorite local recipes to try to prepare himself. Ask about the area, and what places he should visit.
He could check out a pub and watch a football game while enjoying locally-brewed beer. Talk to fellow patrons to get more input on the area. What is the best public transportation? Any popular tourist destinations he should take in? Any he should avoid? Are there local parks and hiking trails outside the city he might enjoy? Closeby museums or historical sites he could frequent?
And on a nice day – or just a day when it’s not raining or snowing excessively – he could just walk around the city. If he did this with some cash in his pocket and a charged cell phone, he could map his way back to his hotel or get a cab if he got lost. But if he took the day to walk slowly through the area, noting the cafes, restaurants, pubs, and shops, he might discover many local treasures. Maybe there are some outdoor markets, perhaps even a local art studio. Most people only focus on where they are going when they walk. They don’t pay attention to what they pass along the way. Be that slow walker in this new city. If someone says hello, make small talk. Plenty of locals like sharing their city.
This friend might find a ton to do just by walking a few blocks, getting some exercise and fresh air, and being present in the moment.
He could also turn to the internet to discover more about his city. One of my favorite things to do is search for “free things to do in City X” or “cheap things to do in City X.” Take an evening and note things of interest in the area. Get a map of the city or area and group nearby things, then put together a loose itinerary. Perhaps there are a couple of close museums on one side of the city. Maybe there’s a large park on the other side of the city. Or a gorgeous hiking trail can be found in a small town just outside the city, only a couple of bus stops away. Plot it out. Make a day out of all the things in that “area.”
I bet he’d be surprised when those three months were up, even if he stayed in just one city. He’d be in a constant state of discovery. Speaking to locals along the way. Maybe even making some friends he’d stay in touch with long after he left Europe.
All because he had to embrace boredom.
Embracing boredom is the skill I fear we’re losing as a society. We shy away from boredom and mental stillness whenever possible. Cell phones and social media feed into this need for constant entertainment. And as a result, many of us have forgotten how to entertain ourselves.
Our consumer-driven society has robbed us of our self-sustainability. Hungry? Don’t stay at home and learn how to cook something new. Go out to eat and pay top dollar for an unhealthy meal that makes you feel good after a long day of work. Want your home office to be a nice shade of sage green? Don’t buy the raw materials and paint it yourself. Hire someone to do it for you and pay ten times what you would if you did it yourself over a weekend. Button fell off of your shirt? Just buy a new one.
Learning new skills is hard. I think most adults lean into their corporate job because it’s the devil they know. Even if they don’t like all of the emails, meetings, and project timelines, they know how to do these things and how to handle these things. Ask this same adult to fix a running toilet, and they don’t know how. And not knowing how to do something is uncomfortable. Until it isn’t.
Once you know how to do something, it’s comfortable again. And as a bonus, you get a feeling of accomplishment and another skill in your skill set. Another tool in your toolbelt.
My personal trainer would regularly remind me that I needed to, “Get comfortable being uncomfortable.” When you’re trying to bench press what feels like 500 pounds, hoping the weights don’t slip and crush your rib cage – and your soul – this isn’t encouraging. But it’s honest. And it’s true.
Embrace your boredom. Try something new. Avoid mindlessly letting life happen to you. Letting others prioritize your life and schedule your days. Those days are yours. In the end, prioritize happiness. And if you’re not sure what makes you happy, try new things. It might be hard at first. But I promise, once you find a few things that bring joy to your life, working inside a cubicle will feel like a special kind of hell.
A hell you wouldn’t wish on anyone. Especially yourself.